I’m sitting, curled up with a sneaky handful of the kid’s Easter eggs, on the couch in our family room. For the first time in months, I’ve had the urge to write… and with the kids playing outside, I’ve actually got time to grab my laptop and start tapping away.
Only problem is… I have no idea what to write about.
After a fairly harrowing start to the year, with depression constantly nipping at my toes, I’m finally back on an even keel again. The urge to pour out my feelings into my diary as a way to get through each day is fading. That feeling of constant dread in the pit of my stomach is gone. I feel like I can participate in normal life again… able to feel joy, happiness and contentment.
But writing about feeling normal doesn’t seem like an interesting topic for a blog about being a mum with a mental illness. And so, I’m sitting here – munching away on my third Easter egg – wondering what to write about instead.
To be honest, feeling normal is probably a topic we should talk about more.
I’m sure that most of us mums have days, weeks, months or even years where life ticks along quite normally. Times when our minds aren’t racing uncontrollably, or our stomach isn’t tied up in knots of anxiety. Periods where other mums at school pick-up – or people we meet – would have no idea of the struggles that we have faced, or those that may lie in wait, just around the corner.
For those of us who have worked hard to get back to what we see as ‘normal everyday life’ – or who work hard to have things stay that way – it’s not something that we take for granted. Being able to participate fully in normal everyday life is a blessing. Being able to be there for our family – even on the most mundane days – is a blessing.
Sometimes it’s not until we experience a life not so ordinary, that we appreciate just how wonderful an ordinary life actually can be.
Mariska xx
Having gone through ups and downs with Bipolar, how do you feel when things seem to go back to ‘normal’?
bipolar mums 
Before the depression, when I just had anxiety, I remember wishing and hoping for “normal”. The medication really helped, and the summer after I started taking the meds, “normal” felt incredible. I was happy, I was healthy, and it felt like I was on a constant high. I slowly came off the meds and the withdrawal made me a little bit vulnerable, because anything bad would set me back weeks.
I’m back on the meds full time again, but I can’t wait for “normal” again!
Thanks for your comment! It really does feel amazing when you finally break through the depression or anxiety and start feeling well and happy again doesn’t it? Setbacks can be so frustrating… but keep reminding yourself that you will back to yourself soon. Mariska xx
Great to see you blogging again, and I’m SO thrilled that your depression is gone!!!
For me, the word “normal” no longer holds a place in my brain; it’s simply too loaded a word. In addition to bipolar one, I live with generalized anxiety and PTSD from 7 hospitalizations. I’m stable (which can be considered a version of “normal” perhaps?) and I’m experiencing an amazing career-related dream coming true. Life is 100% better than it was in 2013 before I found meds that worked.
I find myself thinking instead of being normal again, that “I’m in recovery” or “I’m healing”.
I never, never take the ordinary for granted, and in fact I blogged about that topic on Friday;
here’s the link in case anyone is interested:
https://proudlybipolar.wordpress.com/2015/04/03/writing-with-distractions-without-screaming-like-a-banshee/
take care, thanks for another wonderful & insightful post, Mariska, & happy Easter!
Dyane 🙂
p.s. I have to laugh – I just realized that your posts always inspire me to ramble and write loooooong comments! I rarely do that on other blogs, and I think that says something about how your topics are truly relevant and insightful since they motivate me to go on and on. 😉
Thanks for your comment Dyane – I always love reading your comments, you have a real gift for encouraging others. I’m thrilled to be back blogging again after a brief hiatus. Depression has a way of sucking the life out of you – making anything beyond simply surviving each day seem too hard. I agree that using the words “I’m still healing” is a good way of being kind to yourself and your body as you recover from the trauma of mental illness. I’m going to jump over to your site and read your blog – it sounds really interesting. Mariska xx
I love normal – so much so that I didn’t need a blog to remind me of abnormal….It’s a good reminder if anything. I’m glad you are having this time. Enjoy,
Lovely to hear from you! It can be hard to be reminded of difficult times can’t it? I find that when I’m well, I really don’t want to be reminded of the hard times – I just want to focus on the moment. Still, sometimes it’s helpful to look back at what we’ve gotten through and how strong we really are. Mariska xx